kathygnome | post-transition regrets

No, don't worry I'm not having any. No matter how many times my urine stream flies off in some new and exciting direction.

But I think I'm beginning to understand some of what leads into regrets. It's actually success.

It really happened a while ago when I was sitting back at home and watching a movie and I thought "you know, my life hasn't really changed all that much. It was such a fuss. It was so expensive. Was it really worth it all?"

And it occurred to me that something really monumental had happened. I was cured. I no longer have GID. I no longer have dysphoria or dissonance. I just live my life as a normal person.

And as time goes on, the desperation I had for so many decades just fades. I can only barely remember what it was like to walk past a gap and not be able to shop for the clothes that I wanted. Or to sit in a group of men and have that horrible "I don't fit in here and I'm supposed to" feeling. I can still look back and realize how much it sucked. How awful it was. And for how long. But it's only been seven months. How little will I remember of gender dysphoria in a decade.

Now I have a very blessed life. I pass flawlessly as far as I can tell. I haven't lost friends, loved ones, or my job. I haven't suffered horrible poverty from obtaining my surgeries. Things are good. But if you combine my growing forgetfulness of the situation I was in at one point with people who have suffered terribe social or economic consequences from transition, it's no surprise that people find they have regrets. They look at the issues in their current life and forget the paralyzing grinding misery of what it's like to live as the wrong gender.

But they key is remembering what life was like before. I think more regrets are created by a rosy view of what life was like in the past than are created by a "grass is always greener" mindset before transition.