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[kathygnome]

So the weekend was lazy and casual, which was quite nice. We had dinner at Aye Carumba with Janna's parents on Saturday night. OMG is their roast pork amazing. Got it in a Burrito and had a pork taco on the side. Wonderful wonderful place. Looks like a cheap lunch place. You even eat on plastic plates. Who would figure? But the food is the best Mexican I've ever had. Fresh tasting and not at all greasy.

It's ridiculous humid today. And our house is being washed prior to painting. So... all the windows are shut up tight as a drum. I can't wait to get home and see what quality of miserable it's managed to get up to after 8 hours. At least it's not sunny. I'll call sometime in the afternoon and see if they're done, maybe I can run home and get some fans going for a few hours before we get home.

I've arranged for a flexible schedule for the first week of August and we're signed up for family week in ptown. I'm really looking forward to it. Both because we can hang around with Wendy, Kelly, and other cool people. But also because the events sound interesting. Of course, they still don't have a schedule up. But hopefully soon. And I shouldn't miss too much from work as I can work flexibly as long as I'm on cape. Last year they had something about transparenting. I know they have a movie going about two FTM dads. A lot of FTMs seem to have kids, but most MTFs seem to only have kids before transition. I'm in a weird situation. I don't think there are a dozen transwomen that have had children after transition.

It's also a little intimidating. While all of my gender based psychological reasons for not becoming a parent are gone, I'm still plenty nervous about becoming a mom. And even more so since it's a bit rushed. There's only so long until the biological clock starts to buzz. It's a huge amount of responsibility.

Comments

[dashingdeviant.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking I may ask my brother if he'd be willing to be a sperm donor sometime in the distant future. Of course, I still don't know if I'll ever want kids, and who knows if which ever partner I end up with will be willing and able to bear children, or if we'd decide to go the adoption route.

I'm just terrified of waiting too long to have kids - my mom is about 31 years older than me, and my dad is 39 1/2 years older than me - and it gets very difficult when you're planning retirement and you have one kid whose in gradschool and mainly supporting herself, and the other in undergrad and whom you're still supporting...so my clock is ticking - "I need to find someone and settle down if I want to become a parent around 30!!! OMG!!!!"

[x-mass.livejournal.com]

thera re three reasons for that
one we unable to have kids ourselves and few of us have gamets available
two if we do have kids were not seen as a secure happy hetrosexual enviroment consisting of a man and a woman, but as two sick twisted women who insist on bringing kids into their home, and one of tehm is really a man whose had his bits cut off.
the third option is if you happen to be heterosexual then you need to adopt, and then the agencies get involved and will likely see you as two gay men or a man with a sick twisted semi-woman/man thing that shouldn't be near kids (since wre all paedophiles anyways) so those of us who do have kids post transition are likely to
a. be very stealth
b. not talk about having kids lest child serviecs or the equivalent get involved

meanwhile if your FTM, then you gone from being percieved as homesexual to an acceptable heterosexual couple with a man who is incapable of fertilising his wife (not uncommon) and thus reasonable and acceptable for sperm donation.

sorry to be so down about it but I suspect that's why we never seem to have kids as much as most of us would love to be mothers

personally I looked into having a child with my then partner Sam and if we had stayed together we probably would have used donated sperm from my brother if possible

[kathygnome.livejournal.com]

Actually most of the FTM couples I know are FTM/FTM with one going off T to conceive through AI. (I cannot even imagine how traumatic that would be.)

I agree about transwoman prejudice and if we're in a straight relationship we don't have a biological option. And if we're in a lesbian relationship, given past prejudice within the lesbian community, we're quite likely stealthy.

I suspect that there will be a lot of transwoman in a straight relationship adoptions now that we have more younger transitioners.

[x-mass.livejournal.com]

why do you think being young has anything to do with it, I started transitioning airly seriously when I was 23 and went FT when 25. I known loads of women who have transitione around 18/19 and whilist soem of them are in str8 relationships most of them are bi and quite a few of them are in lesbian relationships.

I just asking because what you said implied that you believed that older transitioners are more likely to be lesbian which is the exact opposite of what I have found. I have gnerally found young transitioner stend to be bi or gay and late transitioners switch from hetreosexual with women to being heterosexual with men.

Also I'm a little suprised that an FTM that has been on T for some time has any possibility of having kids since T thankfully stops ovulation (I have no some many f2M's who have been over the moon when there blasted periods stopped and they weren't constantly reminded about their boies by this disgusting mess)

[kathygnome.livejournal.com]

No, I'm not implying that older transitioners are lesbian.

I was suggesting young transitioners who are straight have a better chance of ending up with a boyfriend or husband than older transitioners do. That's not desire, that's ability to succeed. Older transitioners have all the points that are against older women finding partners to start. Plus they have the trans thing. For younger women this is reduced in two ways. For one, younger transitioners, taken as a whole, pass better. But also generationally, I suspect that the trans thing will be far less of a deal breaker for current younger Gen-Y/Post-Gen-Y transitioners because generationally younger people are more accepting of diversity in sexual and gender preference. (I dunno about you, but I'm an Xer and we didn't have a gay/straight alliance in our school. We had massive admiration supported homophobia. When I spoke at the local high school I couldn't believe how tolerant kids had become.)

I also think that if you're in a lesbian relationship, all things considered, it's easier and cheaper to just go beg, borrow, or buy some sperm and have the natal woman be the birth mother.

I was shocked about FTM parenting as well. But it seems to be pretty relatively common from what I understand. That's mainly information coming through my partner who has online friends who are a gay male couple.

[drosophila.livejournal.com]

You know, I never really thought about it being so rare. I do bet it's quite a bit more than a dozen though. I'd guess a good percentage of MTFs who have kids after transition, try to be as Stealthy as possible. It's hard enough growing up now, I think most parents would like to make that processes as unpainful as possible.


I know that if Amber and I do have children, no one (well assuming we can come to an agreement about not outing me to her family) is going to know that we're not "just" (as if there really is such a thing :-P) another lesbian couple with a kids.


Now figuring out how/when to explain the situation to the children is another matter.

[chirik.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's a bit of a depressing read. I think you're right, though.

I think it's going to be fairly hard, as I want children. I have always had a strong maternal desire. Complicate that with the fact that I'm still married, but don't do not want to have children with my wife. I think, being only 31, I still have an acceptable chance of being able to find mates, but ... I don't know.

One advantage is being poly and bi ... I can find an existing couple potentially, who either have children already, or are capable of making their own, no adoption agency needed.

Of course, being a poly-bi-trans-pagan parent would freak some people out, which ... could cause problems.

But I have to believe I can do it.