![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
First Dilation Home (A Very TMI Post)
Jun. 10th, 2005 09:32 amOMFG. That was possibly the worst experience of my life. I'm still shaking and half expecting a huge deluge of blood.
The Duratek stents series starts with what has been our #1 and goes to a #2 that's a bit larger than ours. Dr. Chettawut also gives you a #0 for pure depth under the idea that maybe you can use it to retain depth, while stretching out the rest get the full sized ones in.
So I tried dilation. I'd passed out on the couch last night and couldn't face it, so it had probably been almost 48 hours. The Duratek 1 was just not going anywhere, not even past the PC muscle. So I went back to the #0 candle. That went in, but stopped dead at about 4 inches. And I mean stopped dead. Not even a clue about where it might get further in. I worked and worked, but just got nothing. There are two spots of tension when I dilate, one is the muscle about 2 inches or so in, which also is where my skin graft starts, and this is one, maybe 4 1/2 inches in there's a real hard spot. Once I can get past it I'm usually fine. Today it was just closed. Nothing. No give at all.
I did the obvious thing. I broke down into sobbing, waking Janna up. It was terrifying. It was on the borders of acceptable, since there are no men likely in the offing and after almost 17 or so years with Janna, not likely to be any (unless we're sharing him or it's a one shot so I can find out what it's like). Nevermind that some North American surgeons routinely only get 5". On the other hand, what I've always wanted from this is normal. And a guy bottoming out that soon is not going to qualify for normal. I had visions of everything from pressing too hard and hemorraging to having to go back to Bangkok for a sigmoid colon procedure. I don't know why I found that so horrible. I just sobbed "no more surgery" which is odd since I've already emotionally committed to a mini-tummy tuck. But that's optional. It's for me and my own personal vanity, not to be normal. I can have one in a month or I can never have it. It's just my choice. I would view having more SRS revisions to be mandatory and I'm just tired of mandatory surgeries, particularly if they're on the other side of the planet.
It was horrible. I eventually calmed down and just kept applying pressure and twisting. And then it tore. And I could feel it, three separate parts of skin slowly peeling away from each other, like pulling a sticker off something. After that I got back to 6" and I could feel the "normal" sort of "how long do I really want to work at this" type of tension that gave a little each time. There wasn't any bleeding past a little staining of the lubricant.
The Duratek stents series starts with what has been our #1 and goes to a #2 that's a bit larger than ours. Dr. Chettawut also gives you a #0 for pure depth under the idea that maybe you can use it to retain depth, while stretching out the rest get the full sized ones in.
So I tried dilation. I'd passed out on the couch last night and couldn't face it, so it had probably been almost 48 hours. The Duratek 1 was just not going anywhere, not even past the PC muscle. So I went back to the #0 candle. That went in, but stopped dead at about 4 inches. And I mean stopped dead. Not even a clue about where it might get further in. I worked and worked, but just got nothing. There are two spots of tension when I dilate, one is the muscle about 2 inches or so in, which also is where my skin graft starts, and this is one, maybe 4 1/2 inches in there's a real hard spot. Once I can get past it I'm usually fine. Today it was just closed. Nothing. No give at all.
I did the obvious thing. I broke down into sobbing, waking Janna up. It was terrifying. It was on the borders of acceptable, since there are no men likely in the offing and after almost 17 or so years with Janna, not likely to be any (unless we're sharing him or it's a one shot so I can find out what it's like). Nevermind that some North American surgeons routinely only get 5". On the other hand, what I've always wanted from this is normal. And a guy bottoming out that soon is not going to qualify for normal. I had visions of everything from pressing too hard and hemorraging to having to go back to Bangkok for a sigmoid colon procedure. I don't know why I found that so horrible. I just sobbed "no more surgery" which is odd since I've already emotionally committed to a mini-tummy tuck. But that's optional. It's for me and my own personal vanity, not to be normal. I can have one in a month or I can never have it. It's just my choice. I would view having more SRS revisions to be mandatory and I'm just tired of mandatory surgeries, particularly if they're on the other side of the planet.
It was horrible. I eventually calmed down and just kept applying pressure and twisting. And then it tore. And I could feel it, three separate parts of skin slowly peeling away from each other, like pulling a sticker off something. After that I got back to 6" and I could feel the "normal" sort of "how long do I really want to work at this" type of tension that gave a little each time. There wasn't any bleeding past a little staining of the lubricant.
