First Dilation Home (A Very TMI Post)

[kathygnome]

OMFG. That was possibly the worst experience of my life. I'm still shaking and half expecting a huge deluge of blood.

The Duratek stents series starts with what has been our #1 and goes to a #2 that's a bit larger than ours. Dr. Chettawut also gives you a #0 for pure depth under the idea that maybe you can use it to retain depth, while stretching out the rest get the full sized ones in.

So I tried dilation. I'd passed out on the couch last night and couldn't face it, so it had probably been almost 48 hours. The Duratek 1 was just not going anywhere, not even past the PC muscle. So I went back to the #0 candle. That went in, but stopped dead at about 4 inches. And I mean stopped dead. Not even a clue about where it might get further in. I worked and worked, but just got nothing. There are two spots of tension when I dilate, one is the muscle about 2 inches or so in, which also is where my skin graft starts, and this is one, maybe 4 1/2 inches in there's a real hard spot. Once I can get past it I'm usually fine. Today it was just closed. Nothing. No give at all.

I did the obvious thing. I broke down into sobbing, waking Janna up. It was terrifying. It was on the borders of acceptable, since there are no men likely in the offing and after almost 17 or so years with Janna, not likely to be any (unless we're sharing him or it's a one shot so I can find out what it's like). Nevermind that some North American surgeons routinely only get 5". On the other hand, what I've always wanted from this is normal. And a guy  bottoming out that soon is not going to qualify for normal. I had visions of everything from pressing too hard and hemorraging to having to go back to Bangkok for a sigmoid colon procedure. I don't know why I found that so horrible. I just sobbed "no more surgery" which is odd since I've already emotionally committed to a mini-tummy tuck. But that's optional. It's for me and my own personal vanity, not to be normal. I can have one in a month or I can never have it. It's just my choice. I would view having more SRS revisions to be mandatory and I'm just tired of mandatory surgeries, particularly if they're on the other side of the planet.

It was horrible. I eventually calmed down and just kept applying pressure and twisting. And then it tore. And I could feel it, three separate parts of skin slowly peeling away from each other, like pulling a sticker off something. After that I got back to 6" and I could feel the "normal" sort of "how long do I really want to work at this" type of tension that gave a little each time. There wasn't any bleeding past a little staining of the lubricant.

Comments

[herbalgrrl.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[chirik.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[skywhisperer.livejournal.com]

*hug*

I've got a relatively silly question: to prevent that, why don't they make some sort of soft, flexible insert that you could wear most of the time? Sort of like an inside-out strapon?

[kathygnome.livejournal.com]

I think that would be difficult. It's very sensitive down there and I'd be afraid of tearing.

OTOH something like a really long flexible anal toy might not be the worst concept.

[panther.livejournal.com]

I have one of those....

[jennyemily.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[nahmo.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[drosophila.livejournal.com]

*hug* Some dilations can be really scary. :( I had one where I managed to pop a membrane that was healing. I was terrified, certain that I had given myself a fistula with all the blood that came out.

Also, don't focus too too much on the depth, it's really not as big a deal as it seems.

(My turn for maybe TMI)

I ended up with around 5 1/4 inches after healing for 5 months, and I was really disappointed with it, especially because the other girls I know that used Dr. Meltzer got 6+ inches (even the girl who was in the hospital with me talked about how should couldn't believe how the stent kept going and going and going, mine stopped short of the 6 inch dot). I kicked myself for not having grafts.

Amber got curious and measured her depth, and it was just under 4 1/2 inches. Now that we can have fun with my equipment, it's become pretty clear that 5 1/4 inches is more than enough for pretty much anything. Even really large dildos (she bought one that's 8 inches long), don't seem like they bottom out too quickly.

[kathygnome.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the comments! Very reassuring. Well one of the things particular to Chet is there doesn't seem to be any bleeding at all. I get a slight discoloration to the lubricant, but no real bleeding whatsoever for either of us. He said I was what he normally gets.

More than total depth, I was looking at possibly losing almost half my total and that's scary. Plus I was beating myself up for not dilating last night. (If I'd had that happen tho, being that exhausted, I don't know how I would have coped.)

[kesmun.livejournal.com]

*Hugs*

[julierm.livejournal.com]

Take care and do not push two hard, i have all this to look forward too.

[serielle.livejournal.com]

I've never been so riveted in anything I've read before. A *hug* from me as well.

[panther.livejournal.com]

Huge hugs from here, too! that sounds like a dreadful experience.

[persephoneplace.livejournal.com]

... and a delayed hug from me. Have you read the stuff written about the range of depth for natal females? We ain't all very deep either - any man who was ever inside you would be very lucky indeed and should count his blessings.

[kathygnome.livejournal.com]

Yes and no. There are major differences in architecture and natal women will expand in significant ways to stimulous that we won't. The area is just far more flexible. Look at childbirth. That would kill a transwoman. We'd be ripped apart and bleed to death. Yet a natal vagina simply dilates as necessary.

[persephoneplace.livejournal.com]

yes, i agree - but my thought is that it does become more flexible and more forgiving over time. Trust me - it will get easier and better and be nothing to cause you stress in the end.

It feels no different in moisture, or smoothness or texture than when i put my fingers in someone who has always had a vagina. It is like a freakin' miracle.

[kathygnome.livejournal.com]

Actually one of the interesting things is that given time, the lining apparently actually changes in cellular structure. There was an article on this in the Benjamin journal a while back. I can't remember the URL offhand.

I have heard mixed issues about moisture, I'm not sure if Dr. Chettawut is doing something different because I'm always moist. I thought this was just the constant dilation, but I went 48 hours and a shower on the trip home and it was no different.